Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
