My hand turned me down
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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