it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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