were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
