I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
