so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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