I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
