I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
