You can't special order awesome
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
