She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
