shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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