i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i drank out of a bidet.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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