do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
