mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Having a random hookup so left but love u
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
