Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
