Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
