I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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