I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize