I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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