dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you would pick up someone in the library
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
