So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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