Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
