ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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