The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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