He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
