Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
