I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
