Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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