Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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