Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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