I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
