dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
