Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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