I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
