I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize