Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize