so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
