I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
