oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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