She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
