come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
