I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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