I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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