i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
