i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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