so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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