i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
