The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
