that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there's paper in my vomit.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
