Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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