I'm gonna have a badass scar
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
