she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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