YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
