I hate your face
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
