I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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