I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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