We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
