I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
