i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
