you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize