Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Two words: blizzard sex
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
