dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
