Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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