i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
