Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
