I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize