He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
